I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
my poor anus
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
