Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
