I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
