Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
