I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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