How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
