Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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