the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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