i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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