Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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