is your mom at the bar?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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