she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
