do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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