were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
