Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
