I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize