My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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