Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
