Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
