Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
