I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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