Umm I'm too high to move.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
