I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
