My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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