Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
