so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
