I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
