that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
