He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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