The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
