I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
