"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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