i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
