So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
