I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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