Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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