I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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