I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
