I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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