Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
