I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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