I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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