If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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