I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
