I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
