carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
