I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
