Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
