i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
