You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
