Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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