i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
