My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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