planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
