Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
