The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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