We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
