I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
