Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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