I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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